Strategies for Managing Feeling of Being the Only Friend in a Group
=====================================================================
Tokenism, a practice where individuals from marginalized identities are included superficially to appear diverse, can have a detrimental effect on the mental health of BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, disabled, and neurodiverse individuals in social circles. This symbolic inclusion often places the tokenized person in a spotlight where they feel responsible for representing their entire group, leading to feelings of isolation, pressure, stress, anxiety, and depression.
In such situations, the token friend might find themselves being treated as a novelty, with their cultural background being the focus rather than their personal qualities. This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, people-pleasing, and invisibility. The lack of genuine support in these social settings increases vulnerability to microaggressions without adequate allyship or understanding.
In workplaces or social groups, tokenized individuals might feel the dual burden of being hyper-visible because of their identity but simultaneously invisible as complex persons, leading to identity erosion and psychological harm. This dynamic is compounded by insufficient inclusion policies or structural support that address real equity, meaning tokenism often perpetuates marginalization rather than alleviating it.
In mental health contexts, tokenism can also produce harm when people with lived experience (e.g., peer supporters in mental health services) are included in roles without clear recognition or support, leading to burnout and further marginalization.
The good news is that there are steps one can take to protect their mental well-being. Setting boundaries and communicating needs can help protect the token friend's peace in relationships. Reflecting on the dynamics of friendships, consider if you are valued for who you are or what you represent. Discuss your concerns with friends if you feel safe, such as feeling asked to explain things about your background frequently.
Diversifying your social circle can also be beneficial, especially connecting with others who share similar experiences. Limiting emotional labor where possible, giving yourself permission to step back when needed, can also help manage stress levels. Reach out for support, such as joining support groups, finding a trusted mentor, or seeking therapy.
At our website, we strive to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics. Our articles are written by experienced mental health-wellness contributors, grounded in scientific research and evidence-based practices.
In conclusion, tokenism harms mental health among marginalized people by generating stress and anxiety from performative inclusion, fostering isolation through lack of genuine support, and exacerbating identity-related pressures that undermine well-being. Genuine, systemic inclusion efforts and supportive environments are needed to counteract these effects.
